Thursday, February 26, 2009

Cleveland FIST Humiliates Bryan Kemper

Humiliating Bryan Kemper
by Caleb T. Maupin

As a communist, and someone who is militantly pro-choice, I was outraged when Bryan Kemper of “Stand True” ministries was scheduled to speak on my campus. Perhaps my outrage was unjustified. Kemper is no James Dobson or Pat Robertson. He has no mass following. He’s merely one of probably a few thousand flim-flam men, who makes their career telling Jesus-Camp alumni what they want to hear, and letting them think it is rebellious because he has an ear piercing and limited electric guitar playing ability in addition to being good at preaching “feel good bigotry.”

It was probably not worth protesting his event, because even the facebook event had a whooping 28 confirmed guests, most of which didn’t show, as usual.

Kemper was there, near the Baldwin-Wallace cyber cafĂ©, with his Christian rock t-shirt, his ear piercing, and his oh-so-badass “unshaven” facial hair. He saw my comrades and I, seven us of total, who were there to picket his event. He walked up to us giving us his usual “I’m a happy peace-loving Christian” smile acting like he wanted to be our friends. (Interesting how on his blog he refers to us as “mass murderers.”)

We blew him off, which is usual. We figured we wouldn’t let him bait us into a debate, since this man has made a career for himself preaching against women. My position was as usual. I protest these fucks, and I ignore them, since any dialogue you have with these fools just gives them more credibility.

So, he walks past our picket line outside of the pro-life club’s event, and he makes a snide comment at my girlfriend’s sign which read “We won’t return to back alley butchers!”

Kemper snidely said to her, a woman, someone he views as his biblical inferior, saying “More women die now in legal abortion clinics than ever died before it was legal.” (A lie, of course, but something the Jesus Camp Alumni Association will nod and accept without a thought.)

Then, one of my comrades made the mistake of responding. He said “That sounds like a medical issue, not a moral issue.”

Then Bryan had exactly what he wanted, dialogue! He was able to have a confrontation in front of his flock.

“Only the worst doctors who have flunked out of medical school perform abortions, because it’s the only thing they can do, no one else will hire them!” (A lie, again, Bryan knows how to pump out whoppers…)

I then figured, because a confrontation had started, I would do my best not to let him get the “I’m so peaceful and loving Christian” front while he baited us.
I loudly told him “Maybe that’s because people like you kill them!”

“I’ve never killed anyone. I just want love…” He continued blathering.

I then held up one of his “Stand True” pamphlets I had picked up from inside his event.

“Interesting how you quote Langston Hughes, someone you would have executed for being gay!”

“I oppose the death penalty.” He said. I could see the fire burning within him, his “Jesus in sandals” act was starting to wear off.

I then began to verbally berate him. “Why aren’t you protesting for Mumia Abu Jamal? What about the political prisoners in this country the government is murdering?”
He then exploded, walking close to me and pointing at me like Bill O’rielly does with his guests who have leftist political views and are therefore not worthy of respect.

“Don’t quote the Bible to me kid, I know the Bible!”

“Get the fuck out my face!” I screamed at him, as he continued to do his best to physically intimidate me with his loud voice and pointing fingers. “Leviticus, it says when a man lies with another man he shall be put to death.”

“No!” He screamed. “It says it’s an abomination.”

“and he shall be put to death…” I said quoting the exact verse to him. (LEVITICUS 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.)

“No…. No… No…” He started to say. I loudly shouted “I know the Bible better than you do.” Prompting laughter from a number of on-lookers.

He was so furious, his head could have exploded.

“Look….” He said, starting to back away, finally, “I… I… I oppose the death penalty…”
“So, you oppose the Death Penalty, even though the Bible supports it!” I screamed at him, prompting more laughter.

At that point Bryan just walked away humiliated, and defeated. I made a fool out of him, in front his own flock, with his own Bible. He then called campus security on us.

We then decided to leave. As we left, suddenly, the humiliated Bryan Kemper is chasing after us with childish tears in his eyes, holding out his blackberry.
He snaps a picture of one of us with a pro-choice sign: “I’m gonna put this on my facebook, and my myspace, and my twitter!” He screams in rage.

“Good.” My comrade, an older guy, responds calmly. “I’m proud to be pro-choice.”
Byran stormed off in a rage. We made a fool out of him, and rightly so.


Bryan Kemper said...

That is such an exaggeration of what happened. I feel sorry for you.

P. H. said...

You know, some translations of the Bible say slightly different things...and I've heard both versions of that verse. So you didn't really prove anything.

Corey said...

I pity him as well Bryan. His own writings make it evident that he lives in a delusional make-believe world in which he is his own god.

Caleb, you really need to wake up and realize that more people care about what George Bush has to say than what you have to say, which is quite sad, really. Nonetheless, you would make a perfect news reporter. You're already good at twisting the truth into an ungodly self-centered lie.

Anonymous said...

man dude, you are super pathetic. that's all i gotta say. find a better way, a better life. communism? are you serious?--this world already stinks as it is, we don't need to add communism.

if you're going to belittle someone, i suggest you get all the ACTUAL facts on them BEFORE doing so.

if you knew Bryan, foreal, you would know he is one of the most loving, least judgemental Christians there is--but he stands up for what is right.

i hope, someday, the Lord totally demolishes your heart & you feel so horrible for what you have said & done, that you have no choice but completely turn to him.

this is my prayer & hope for you.

Woman scorned said...

Why would it outrage you for someone to have an opinion that differs from yours?

So, basically you don't want socialism, you want totalitarianism.. your way or no way.

Hmm. good to know.

Chantel said...

Sounds like the only fool is you Caleb.

First of all, your school has a pro-life group, you would protest them having a speaker? It's not like he was preaching to the entire student body... How very fascist of you.

Secondly, by your own account, you and Bryan both quoted the bible, and both parts were in fact right... I'd hardly call that a win for you buddy.

Lastly, perhaps when you want to call someone out for making untrue statements (such as the back-alley abortion death count, etc.) you may want to include links or research that show what the real facts are. The burden of proof lies with you, he made a statement, you declare it false... it's up to you to provide accurate information on why you called it out.

Looks like you're the only one who was humiliated, guy, and rightfully continue to be so.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps Bryan and Daryl Bujak could hang out sometime and talk about how much they hate Cleveland FIST. LOL!